


Skewed Reality

by Mischeiefedmarauders



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-07 12:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischeiefedmarauders/pseuds/Mischeiefedmarauders
Summary: Kyo accidentally hits his head while performing and wakes up to find himself in an asylum and all his memories of the band only a figment of his imagination.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’ve had this idea for a while now, usually always includes different bands in this scenario. I got the motivation to actually write it down and not keep it in my head after reading @Solongsun work, Maps, which is an amazing read and you should read it if you haven’t already!!! So anyway! Here we go!! Hope you enjoy! Please comment and what not! They give me life!!! 
> 
> PS: LOOK! A DIRU FIC THAT ISN'T SELF INDULGENT WITH AN OC! THE WORLD MUST BE COMING TO AND END! Haha.

The crowd was going wild, everyone was in a good mood, Kyo had just screamed out last song before going into Ranunculus. About half way through the song however he slipped off of his riser and hit his head, blacking out immediately. The next time Kyo woke up it was in a blindingly white room. He groaned and reached up and rubbed his eyes, trying to remember what had happened. It was when a nurse came into the room, carrying a trey with a glass of water and a small cup that contained pills did his brain kick into gear, remembering the concert the night before. What got him though was where were the rest of the band and why were there bars on the windows. 

“Tooru-Sama, finally awake” she said with a bright smile. At the sound of his given name though he growled. She looked taken back before letting out a small laugh. “That’s right, sorry dear, Kyo...Still trying to get the hang of things around here” she said as she walked the rest of the way in and set the trey on the table beside him. “Time for your medicine” she said and Kyo looked at her, confused. 

“Where am I?” he asked. She turned to him, confused herself but it seemed that she remembered something and she smiled again. 

“That’s right, they told me that you forget sometimes, getting too caught up in your head...You’re in Nakimara Asylum, you have been here for...Almost ten years, and that you like to go by Kyo instead of your given name” he said as she picked up the cup of pills and the water and held them out to him. Kyo started laughing then. 

“This is a joke right? Die...He put you up to this...Alright guy’s you can come out now, very funny” he said, but when no one came into the room and the frown from the nurse made his laughter die off slowly. “This is a joke right?” he said, starting to get a bit scared. 

“I’m afraid not dear...Take your medicine and you can join the others for the start of breakfast” she said. Kyo reluctantly reached out for the items, placing the pill into his mouth, but putting it under his tongue before taking the water and swallowing before handing them back to her. “There you go! On your way to breakfast then” she said with a smile before walking out. When he was sure she was gone he spit the pill out, though he didn’t have anywhere to put it so he made a small tear in the mattress and put it in there before getting up and putting on a pair of white shoes to match his white shirt and pants. He walked over to a mirror that was on the wall and jumped at what he looked like. He was younger, mid 20’s if he had to guess. He lifted up his sleeves and saw no tattoo’s what so ever. It was then he knew he had to of been in a dream, but the familiarity of everything threw him through a loop. The room he was in, the route to get to the café, everything was familiar and he didn’t know what to think of that, it unsettling him. He walked out of the room then, looking back and forth before heading toward the café. 

He walked into the room and saw his band mates, though they were all spread out and each of them were younger as well. Die and Toshiya’s red and blue/black hair sticking out like a sore thumb. Die and Toshiya sitting next to each other while Shinya and Karou were off in their own seats, not next to each other. He looked between all of them before deciding to head over to Shinya. When he set down, Shinya looked over to him and smiled, Kyo not used to seeing Shinya’s hair so long anymore. 

“Good morning Kyo...Did you sleep well?” he asked. 

“I think so...I mean...I’m not sure” he said with a frown, which caused Shinya to frown as well. 

“You dreamt of the band again didn’t you?” he asked, to this Kyo’s eyes went wide. 

“What do you mean dreamt? The band is real...You're the drummer and this is some sort of prank or, dream, or...I don’t know” he said, and Shinya reached out and put his hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m flattered that you included me in the band, along with the others, but it’s all in your head” he said and Kyo didn’t know what to think. This was wrong, all wrong. Treys of food were brought out then and sat in front of everyone. Shinya dug in immediately and Kyo sat there for a second, not knowing what to do. “They don’t like it when you don’t eat...” said Shinya, pushing Kyo’s trey closer to him. He let out a sigh and picked up his chopsticks and started to eat, not sure if it was poisoned or not. 

As he ate, he thought about the night before and the concert, the rest of the band and what was real to him, but between all of those memories random ones would pop up, of him coming to the Asylum, of meeting the others, therapy sessions and other memories of the band but in the asylum and he started to freak out. He felt his breath starting to come faster as though he couldn’t breath. He dropped his chopsticks as he felt the start of a panic attack setting in. He hadn’t had one of those for a long time, it was a weird feeling but he knew what he had to do to calm himself. He put his hands flat on the table and tried to slow his breathing. Shinya realized what was happening and his eyes went wide as he put his chopsticks down as well and turned to him slightly. 

“Kyo...Please calm down...Everything is fine” he said, putting his hand out again to touch his shoulder but he pulled it back when Kyo shrugged it off, starting to feel panic himself at the rough gesture but he was better at hiding it. “Kyo...Do I need to get a nurse?” he asked then and he shook his head, still trying to control his breathing and put everything in order. It was no use though, he had worked himself up so much that he passed out. 

When Kyo woke up it was to the rest of the band standing around him, all in the clothes they had been wearing for the concert. He looked around confused before a pain in his had caused him to groan. Die was the first to notice as he went to his bedside and sat down in a chair beside Kyo’s bed. 

“Thank fuck!” he said “Don’t try and move much...You hit your head pretty hard” he said. Kyo took in his surroundings, still confused. 

“Where am I?” he asked. 

“Hospital, you took a pretty bad fall on stage earlier tonight...The doctors were worried you wouldn’t wake up for a while” said Die “Are you alright though? You look more confused than normal?” he asked, brushing some of Kyo’s hair out of his face, careful to not touch the bandage on his head. The rest of the band came over then and sat down. 

“I was...I had a weird dream...But it seemed so real” he said, trying to remember it. “I was in an asylum...All of you were there, but...You were all younger, even me, like when we first met, the band didn’t exist...They said that it was all in my head...” he said, frowning now. The rest of the band looked at each other, confused. 

“Well, that’s quite the dream, but your awake now” said Toshiya with a smile and Kyo nodded, though he still couldn’t help but wonder which was actually real. 

The doctor came in then and smiled. 

“Kyo! Awake at last! We were worried about you there for a while. You managed to hit the corner of your riser” he said as he opened a file and looked it over. “You needed 20 stitches. We’re going to keep you here a couple days to monitor you, to make sure there aren’t any side effects from you hitting your head” said the doctor as he set the folder down and took his stethoscope from his neck and put it into his ears before leaning over Kyo and checking his heartbeat and pulse before putting them back and taking out a pen light. He shined it into Kyo’s eyes before putting it right in front of his nose. “Follow this with just your eyes please” he asked and Kyo did, following it no problem. He stepped back and made some notes. “You seem to be reacting well right now, but like we said. Once you’ve rested a bit more we’re going to do some more scans to make sure there wasn’t anything else we missed” he said and Kyo nodded. “Don’t rile him up too much now...He needs his rest” said the doctor to the rest of the band with a smile before walking out. 

“We’re gonna head back to the hotel, now that we know your fine we can get some sleep” said Toshiya with a smile as he leaned over and gave Kyo a hug. “I’ll see you in the morning” he said before walking out, everyone else doing the same, Die was the only one that stayed back. 

“You’re not going to join them?” he asked and Die shook his head. 

“Nah, the couch is comfy enough” he said with a smile before kicking his feet up onto the bed and reclining back in the chair. “Besides, someone’s gotta stay here to keep you from terrorizing the staff” he said and that made Kyo laugh a bit. Die looked him over again. “Are you sure you’re alright though? You seemed pretty freaked out about that dream” he said then and Kyo nodded. 

“Yea, like you said, it was a dream, weird and real as it seemed, it wasn’t real” he said, though he was sure he was trying to convince himself more that Die at this point. Die wasn’t sure if he believed Kyo or not, but he didn’t say anything and just blamed it on the bump to the head, hoping to get out of there as soon as they could. 

They sat and talked a bit more before Kyo started to feel tired again, but he didn’t want to go to bed, he was afraid he’d dream of the asylum again. Die tried his best to keep him awake, but it was a losing battle and eventually a doctor had to be brought in to give him some medicine to sleep, Die decided he would go back to the hotel then real quick and get himself some real food and a change of clothes and to bring Kyo his drawing pad and pencils to give him something to do while he waited to be discharged, though he felt weird leaving the other there alone. 

Kyo woke up with a start, he sat up in bed, breath heavy as he started to look around. When his vision cleared his stomach dropped. He was not in the room he was earlier with the real Die, he was back in the asylum. He fell back to the bed with a sigh, rubbing his eyes. 

“You scared everyone” said a voice beside him. He hadn’t seen anyone in the room when he did a quick look around so the voice caused him to jump and look to the side to see Kaoru sitting in a bed beside him, his purple hair tied back neatly, not a strand out of place. 

“I’m sorry?” he said and Kaoru shook his head. 

“You haven’t freaked out like that in a long time...Three years, 20 days, and 57 minutes to be exact” he said as the table caught his eye, he turned and walked over to it and started to rearrange everything on it from small to big and making sure they were all in a straight line. “Poor Shinya freaked out as well...Though he didn’t pass out...” he said as he finished what he was doing and started toward another table with things on it and started to organize that one as well, not being able to keep his mind focused as he talked. “In his room...Five years, eight days, and three minutes since he had a break down...” he said, finishing that table and going to another. Kyo watching him like a hawk, not sure what to think. Of course, it was Karou, the one he’d known for almost twenty years, the leader, the one that he could go to when things didn’t go as planned or Kyo wasn’t feeling right, but at the same time, he was different, he knew Karou was a bit OCD but what he was doing now was ridiculous. Something told Kyo though to not comment on it, to ignore it and act like nothing was going on and that confused him more. He also started to remember the last time he saw Shinya freak out. It was a new doctor, he forgot that Shinya didn’t like to be touched and he accidentally put a hand on his arm. He saw Shinya transform from a docile man into a wild animal. The poor doctor almost got his eye scratched out by the flailing and they had to knock Shinya out to calm him down. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. He knew he shouldn’t remember that, it wasn’t real, it was just his mind making things up. It was the bump to his head that was causing this. 

“It won’t help” said Kaoru then. Kyo dropped his hands and looked to the leader, head cocked to the side. “You know as well as I do that thinking in circles and trying to convince yourself of the band won’t help you...Though the thought of playing guitar without freaking out sounds like a good memory” he said with a smile before turning away and leaving. Kyo looked around the small room and saw that everything that Karou could get his hands on was organized from small to big and in perfect lines of the others. He saw a nurse at the other end, it seemed as though she was waiting to come over, apparently knowing not to interrupt Karou as well. 

“Are you feeling better?” she asked with a warm smile and Kyo didn’t know how to answer. His mind was flashing through memories again of the same nurse, one of the more nice ones. She wasn’t pushy, she was very patient with everyone, especially him, he automatically felt comforted by her though and he couldn’t figure out why. “It’s alright if you don’t know how to answer. You were going so good, it was only a matter of time before you had a little attack. You managed it way better this time around though and didn’t lash out, that’s a plus” she said as he handed him a thing of water. “Once you finish that you can go rejoin the others. They’re in the rec room” she said as she turned away and went back to her computer. Kyo took the water and drank it without a second thought. 

When he was done with the glass he set it to the side and thanked the nurse before walking out, but instead of going to the rec room he went back to his room, he needed to think and write. He walked into his room and saw that it was pretty bare minus a couple of posters that he knew had been there since he had gotten there, one of the few things he was allowed to keep and a book shelf full of journals. He sighed and went to the desk and pulled out a book and looked it over before opening it and seeing lyrics and poems and drawings, all of them pertaining to Dir En Grey. He sat down and started to go through them. He was brought out of them by a knock at the door, he turned and saw Toshiya leaning against the door frame with a smirk on his face and Kyo somehow knew that that really wasn’t a good thing. 

“Totchi” he said, turning a bit more, preparing himself for what he, somehow knew was going to come next. 

“It seems you're doing pretty well after your little episode this morning, though I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else I could do to take you mind off of things” he said as he walked into the room, swaying his hips. Kyo turned around fully, not sure if he was in the right mindset to accept Toshiya’s help at that time. Toshiya dropped down onto Kyo’s lap and put his arms around his shoulders. “The nurses won’t be around for 15 minutes, I’m sure there’s a lot I could do to keep your mind off of things in that time period” he said with a smirk as he leaned in and started to trail kisses down his neck. He closed his eyes a moment, enjoying until his mind kicked back into gear and he was thinking of the Toshiya in the real world, this wasn’t him, not really. In the beginning of their career it had become a running joke that Toshiya would bed anything that moved but then his mind switched to where they were now and he started to remember how many times Toshiya had got in trouble for being caught doing something with another patient and sometimes a doctor or nurse. 

“Not right now Totchi” he said and Toshiya pouted but pulled back. 

“You're really that far in your head huh?” he said before laying his head on Kyo’s shoulder. “Don’t think too hard on it” he said before getting up and giving him a smile and a wink before waltzing out of the room, looking for someone else to have some fun with. Kyo turned back around and shut the book he was reading and went over to the others and went to the oldest looking one and pulled it out, bringing it back to the desk and looking it over. 

It seemed that he had taken notes on everyone, or at least his band mates. He started reading, realizing that Die and Shinya were there before he got there, then it seemed Toshiya and then Karou, but it was all within the span of a couple months of each other. There was nothing about the band that he was seeing. He saw that he had started to make notes beside everyone, detailing what they were in for and things they liked and didn’t like, which was helpful seeing as his mind was in pieces, though it seemed that his band mates in the asylum were a lot like his band mates in the real world, though it seemed that he had played down each of their issues, making them manageable for a band setting. It seemed his idea for the band didn’t come for almost a year after being there and he tried to remember back to when he supposedly thought up the delusion, but nothing would come to him, which annoyed him. He let out a huff and slammed the book shut and started to look around, hoping something would trigger something. When nothing came he rubbed his eyes, noting that he’d have to wait until he was in the real world to look at his journals there and see if there’s anything there that could help him with everything.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, I have the story finished and like, I'm too excited to wait to post a chapter every couple days, so I'm gonna post a chapter a day, unless you guys want it all at once and I'll do that. Let me know in the comments or by kudo's or whatever. Enjoy!

Kyo had managed to go through all of his journals in the asylum before he was called for his one on one session with the doctor and he didn’t know if he was looking forward to that or not. He put all the journals away, leaving the most recent one on the desk before heading to the office of his appointed doctor. He walked in and looked around seeing an older gentleman with glasses sitting behind a very old looking wooden desk. The office was covered in bookshelves and filing cabinets and in one corner was a comfy looking couch and a chair, which Kyo automatically knew to go there and sit, the familiarity of everything starting to not bother him as much. The doctor looked up and smiled before taking off his glasses and standing up, grabbing a notebook and a file an came around to sit across from him. 

“Good afternoon Kyo...I see you’re doing a bit better after your little episode this morning...Would you like to talk about it?” he asked, opening the notebook and preparing his pen. Kyo didn’t know what to say though he had a feeling that he could trust this doctor, that he actually wanted to help. He took a sigh and slouched back into the couch. 

“I was thinking of the band again...” he said as he started to mess with his sleeve, still weirded out at not seeing his hands covered in tattoos. The doctor nodded, waiting for him to continue. “When I woke up this morning I had thought that I was on stage performing, I knocked my head...” he said as he reached up to touch where he had hit but found nothing there. “Things were getting mixed up” he continued and the doctor started to take notes. 

“You have been going good for a while, what do you think triggered those memories again?” he asked, twirling the pen. Kyo just stared, not being able to give him an answer. It could go both ways though, he had knocked himself out before on stage, had hurt himself, but he never had this dream, if it was a dream, what brought on the delusion of him being in a mental hospital all of a sudden. “What’s going through your head right now, I see the gears working over time” he said, pointing to Kyo’s head. 

“I don’t quite know yet...It’s all jumbled” he said with a sigh, wanting to know the answers, hating that his mind was starting to believe what he was seeing, but he had to hold on, he couldn’t allow himself to be dragged into the dream he was having. 

“That’s understandable, though it seems we’ve gone back a few steps, but it’s nothing to get discouraged over, relapses happen all the time, we know what works now and what doesn’t, and we can tweak them for the next go around” he said with a smile but Kyo didn’t like it, all of a sudden he was seeing that smile but more sinister, looking down on him while he was strapped to a bed, a long syringe in his hands. Kyo shook his head and pulled at his hair, trying to make the image go away. “What is it your seeing right now?” 

“The band, I’ve been thinking about them more...I’m...Trying to do what is asked and forget them” he lied, not wanting to admit to what he had just seen. 

“I see, it’s good your trying to work on it on your own and doing, almost some of the techniques we talked about, it shows that you haven’t regressed too far, which is a good sign. Now, let’s talk about how all of this is making you feel” he said, starting a new page to take notes. 

When the hour was up Kyo smiled and thanked the doctor before heading out to dinner, seeing as he had slept through lunch, hoping that he didn’t have another episode and that he could keep his cool. He walked in and saw that Shinya wasn’t there and he frowned, feeling terrible for causing him to freak out. He looked around and tried to decide who he was going to sit with, though it was already decided for him when Die came skipping up to him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. 

“And look who finally decides to grace us with his presence” he said with a smile as he led him over to the table. Kyo smiled at him as he was led and sat down across from him. When Die finally sat down he reached up to his hair and started to mess with it while bouncing in his seat and humming a song, one of their songs and Kyo’s eyes went wide. 

“What song is that?” he asked, knowing exactly what song it was, but he wanted Die to tell him. Die had stopped and smiled even bigger and sat up straighter. 

“It’s one of our songs! Boy did the doctor get into your head again! I thought of more to it though! You’re going to love it!” he said, bouncing again with excitement. “I figure if we keep this up we can actually get that band started that you keep thinking about, not sure how you’re going to get the rest of the guys to go along with it though...They seem to be wanting to get you to forget it, which is bull shit...Go for your dreams man, when we get out of here, we’ll show them!” he said with a nod, just as the food came out. Die looked at it with a look of disgust though but dug in anyway. “You’d think that they’d give us something better than dog food” he said, picking up what was supposed to be, what Kyo could figure out was Miso. Kyo looked down to his and made a face as well. They both started to eat though, it surprisingly not tasting as bad as it looked. While he ate he half listened to what Die was saying and half thought of his situation, trying to figure out what was real and what was a dream, the two starting to blend too much for his liking. 

He was brought out of his thoughts by Die snapping his fingers in front of Kyo’s face. He shook his head and blinked a bit before focusing on the red head, that 1000 watt smile almost blinding him. 

“Come on then, out with it! What new song is going through that pretty little head of yours?” he asked. Kyo allowed himself to smile before taking another bite. 

“Can’t say yet, gotta work it out a bit more” he said and Die nodded. 

“Can’t wait to hear it!” he said, before going back to his food, still managing to hum and sort of dance around in his seat while he did. 

Dinner went by without any incident, Shinya had shown up half way through and came over to Kyo and sat down with a smile and Kyo apologized but Shinya brushed it off and acted as if nothing had happened. When dinner was over everyone was sent to their rooms to get ready for bed, to take showers if needed and to get ready for lights out. Kyo did his nightly routine before heading back to his room, wondering if he fell asleep if he’d wind up back in the real world or stay in the dream. When he got back to his room he saw that Die was there, sitting on his bed, fidgeting with his hands. Kyo looked around before looking back to him, confused. 

“Everything alright?” he asked as he walked in, Die looked up and smiled. 

“Yea, we have a bit of time before they make us go back to our rooms” he said as he reached up and started to play with his hair. Kyo then remembered back to the notes and realized that Die’s nightmares kept him from sleeping and that he always showed up before bed, which had happened in the real world as well. He put his things away and walked over to the bed and sat down beside him, crossing his legs and leaning back, waiting for Die to open up. “Are you doing any better? From this morning that is...You seemed a bit distant at dinner, though that’s normal, but you seemed...More” he said and Kyo shrugged, going to play with his lip ring but found that it wasn’t there. 

“It’s weird, I really don’t know what to think...How long has it been since I talked about the band? As in, the band is real and this is a dream?” he asked then and it was Die’s turn to shrug as he turned toward Kyo and sat cross legged as well. 

“Quite a while, Kaoru would be the one to talk to about that...It’s crazy all the dates he remembers...But I want to say at least a couple years? You were close to getting out of here actually” he said, reaching up to play with his hair again. 

“I was?” he asked, knowing he could be completely honest around him. 

“Yea, I heard the nurses and doctors talking about it one night. You were doing good with treatment and what not and they were going to evaluate you next week to see if you were ready...But I’m sure your little episode this morning may have fucked that” he said with a frown. “You’re the only one out of all of us that actually has a chance of getting out of here, your actually functional outside of your diagnoses” he said. Kyo frowned then. 

“I’m not so sure about that” he said and Die reached out and pulled him into a hug before pulling them to lay down. Kyo instinctively put his arms around Die and got comfortable, knowing that he would get kicked out to his room in a bit. 

“Everything will work out in the end” he said as he closed his eyes, thinking of getting a bit of sleep before the nightmares started back up again. Kyo stayed awake for a bit more before falling asleep himself, still wondering which reality he’d wake up in. 

It seemed luck was on his side when he woke the next morning, there was the real Die, passed out in one of the chairs, curled in on himself and Kyo couldn’t help but think of how he could be comfortable. He stretched and sat up, pushing a button to make his bed sit up as well. It took him a moment to remember what city they were in before he pulled out his phone and asked the lady that was watching his apartment to bring all of his journals from the 90’s to the hospital he was at. They were only about three hours from his apartment so it wouldn’t be too terrible of a drive. He needed to figure some things out, needed to see if there was any mention of him having those dreams before that he didn’t remember. He decided to let Die sleep as he started to mess around on his phone, looking up the asylum that was in his dreams. He was surprised to see that it had closed down ten years ago because of funding and found that it was only half an hour from where they were. That answered one of the questions of why that place. He was sure that he had saw it while they were driving through the town and it somehow stuck in his mind for some reason. After checking out the asylum he decided to work on emails and other things that needed to be done for the band and his side projects. It was at that moment that he saw his sketch book and pencils sitting on the side table. He smiled, knowing it had to be Die that had brought them. He put his phone down and grabbed that. He turned to a blank page and looked over to Die and started to draw him, or draw him as well as he could with his style, not sure exactly how it would turn out. 

A bit later the woman he had looking over his apartment came in with her son, carrying five boxes full of the journals. 

“Thank you so much! I really appreciate it” he said as the boxes were set down beside his bed. 

“Don’t worry about it dear! I hope they help” she said. He took out his phone and sent her some extra money for the errand. “Find a nice place to eat around here” he said and she smiled at him and walked over and gave him a hug. 

“Thank you” she said “If you need anything else” she said and he nodded. 

“I’ll call” he added and her and her son waved goodbye before walking out. 

“What’s with all the journals?” asked Die, sitting up with a wince as he tried to stretch out his back and neck. 

“The dreams I’ve been having...I have journal’s in there as well...I want to see if I had mentioned something like this happening before. It all seems too real” he said as he leaned over and took one of the older journals and set it up to start looking through it. Die walked up to him and did the same, sitting beside Kyo as they both went through them. 

“So, we’re looking for something dealing with that asylum? Like, dreams?” Asked Die and Kyo nodded. 

“Yea, anything, even If it’s small” he said and Die nodded, continuing to go through the journals. 

It had taken them about an hour to go through all of them and no where did they find any mention of the asylum. Kyo let out a growl and slammed the last journal closed. 

“Why do you think you started dreaming of that place?” asked Die, gathering all of the journals and putting them back. 

“I don’t know...I looked up the asylum, it’s about half an hour away from here, maybe I saw it while driving through and it stuck for some reason” he said as Die got off of the bed and put all the boxes off to the far side of the room to keep the space around the bed clear for the doctors and nurses. 

“That’s weird...Let me guess, you want to go check it out once you’re able to leave?” asked Die as he finished moving the last box and turned to him with a smile. 

“Yea, it may shed some light on things maybe?” he said as he leaned back and took up the sketch pad again. Die looked over at it and smirked. 

“Do I really look like a demon when I sleep?” he asked with a laugh and Kyo glared at him as he turned the page. 

“Perhaps” he said as he started to mindlessly doodle. Die sat beside him on the bed again and watched. 

The band came in a bit later with what appeared to be real food and not hospital food. 

“Lunch has arrived” said Toshiya with a smile as he set a bag in front of Kyo on the table. 

“And how did you manage this?” asked Die, looking into the bag but his hand was slapped by Kyo as he started to look through it. 

“Toshiya turned up the charm at the nurses station” said Shinya with an eye-roll as he brought his bag to one of the other seats and sat down, looking over at the journals as he did, a frown on his face. “Were you really that bored?” asked Shinya as he prepared his meal. 

“I was trying to figure out the dreams I was having, thinking maybe I had them before, but I didn’t” he said as he dug into his food. Karou frowned as well but didn’t say anything as he handed Die a bag, who accepted it with a smile before pulling the contents out of it. 

“Did you have the dream again?” asked Kaoru, sitting down beside Shinya. 

“Yea, I seem to wake up there when I fall asleep here and vice versa...” he said as he took a bite of his food. 

“That’s weird though. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention something like this happening before” said Shinya, trying to remember if he did or not, seeing as he knew Kyo the longest. 

“That’s what the journals were for, I didn’t find anything” he said and Shinya nodded. 

They all talked about the rest of the tour, and how they would make up for the two dates they missed for the tour while they ate along with other random things that needed to be discussed that they didn’t have time for before and figured now would be the best time to do so, which had Kyo almost falling asleep with how boring it was, but it needed to be done. That took them well into the evening where Kyo had to actually sit through hospital food, which wasn’t as bad as he would have thought, still not as good as ‘real food’ though. All of the talking and going through everything had Kyo getting tired, but he didn’t want to fall asleep, he didn’t want to go back to the dream world, he wanted to stay there. 

“I know as well as anyone what it’s like to not want to fall asleep because of nightmares, and you saw what it did to me” said Die “But you really have to sleep, you know that you’ll wake up here at the end of the day, that it’s not real” he said. 

“But what if I don’t? What if I don’t wake up, what if one of the times I get stuck there, what if that’s real and this is fake?” he said, starting to work himself up. Die let out a sigh but grabbed his hands and held them in his. 

“Hey, this is real! Alright. How can the asylum be real? You said we’re younger there, and that we’ve only been there ten years...How can you perfectly ‘imagine’ what we look like Ten years older? Know exactly how we would act, the asylum is all in your head, you have to keep remembering that” he said, looking into Kyo’s eyes. “Please remember that” he said. Kyo took a couple breaths and nodded. 

“It’s funny, they tell me the same thing in the dream, that this isn’t real...” he said. Die released one of Kyo’s hands and cupped his face, making him stare at him. 

“Of course, they’re going to say that, it’s all your subconscious” he said, leaning in and kissing Kyo on the forehead before smiling. “Get some sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up” he said and Kyo nodded with a sigh, adjusting his bed to lay flat, keeping his hand in Die’s as he closed his eyes, preparing himself for going back into the asylum.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for crude asylum treatments.

Kyo woke up to the sun shining in his face. He let out a groan and went to turn over but found he couldn’t. He opened his eyes and got a face full of red. He moved his arm a bit and managed to get it out from under Die, causing the other to wake up as well. 

“Morning” said Die with a smile as he moved so Kyo could have his arm back. His smile fell though once he realized where he was and he sat up, looking around, confused. Kyo frowned, hating that he was back in the asylum. “They didn’t wake me and move me back?” he said, scratching his head. It hit Kyo then, remembering that sharing rooms wasn’t exactly common practice and that confused him as well as to why they didn’t wake them up to move him. The nurse came in then and smiled. 

“Good morning boys” she said, carrying the same trey but this time it had pills and water for both of them. 

“Why didn’t they put me back to my room?” asked Die, though he really wasn’t complain, he had realized that that was one of the best sleeps he had had in a while. 

“You were sleeping so well, they checked on you through the night and you didn’t wake up once...You stayed asleep and didn’t seem to have any nightmares. Your doctor thought it was best to keep you there last night to help with recovery” she said as she set the trey down and handed them each their pills, to which they took. Die took his but Kyo pretended again, remembering what the real Die said, not wanting to risk anything by taking the pills and trapping himself there, even if it was a dream. “You're up before everyone else though, enjoy the silence” she said as she walked out with the tray. Kyo spit out his pill and put it into the mattress. Die watched him and shook his head. 

“I don’t even know how you’re getting by without taking them” he said as he stood up, knowing he would have about a couple hours before he would start to get hyper again. They both stood up and headed toward the rec room, finding it empty besides Shinya sitting in one of the windows and looking out at the scenery. 

Shinya turned when they walked in and smiled at them. 

“Morning...Someone looks well rested” he said, looking at Die and he smiled and shrugged. 

“What can I say...Maybe these quacks are finally helping me” he said with a laugh as he walked over to one of the couches and picked up a music magazine and started looking through it. Kyo took everything in, everything so familiar. On one side was a couple tables and chairs with a bookshelf full of well-played games, on the other were a couple of chairs and couches, a piano in a corner and another bookshelf full of books and records, no TV though and Kyo couldn't exactly remember why there wasn’t a TV. He shrugged it off and sat down beside Die and picked up another magazine. 

“It’s the first day of Spring” said Shinya with a smile. “I wonder if they’ll let us go outside today” he said, looking back outside. Slowly the rest of the band came into the room, each one in different states of wakefulness. Karou automatically went to the bookshelf and started taking out the books and rearranging them by color while Toshiya plopped down on Die’s lap and threw an arm around him. 

“I went to visit you last night and you weren’t there...Having fun without me?” he asked as he started to play with Die’s hair. Die smiled at that and put his hands around Toshiya’s waist. 

“Oh yes, lots of fun” he said with a wink toward Kyo to which his eyes went wide as he tried to explain that it wasn’t what he was thinking but Toshiya cut him off with a pout before crawling over to Kyo, putting his nose to Kyo’s. 

“And you didn’t think to invite me? I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to get the two of you into bed at the same time” he said with a smirk. “I don’t think I’d be able to keep quiet” he said, leaning in to try and kiss Kyo, but a nurse came in and told everyone that it was time for breakfast. Toshiya let out a small whine but got up. 

“I’m sure you’ll get your wish eventually” said Die as he stood up as well, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Until then you’ll just have to make do with just me” he said as they walked out of the room. Kyo cleared his throat and blinked a couple times, taking a couple breaths before standing up himself, almost running into Shinya. He managed to jump back before he touched him, holding his hands up in apology. Shinya gave him a smile. 

“Thank you” he said before walking out, leaving him and Karou, who was still messing with the books, though it seemed the thought of food managed to somewhat override his OCD to leave the books for later. 

After breakfast the rest of the morning had Shinya back in the window and Karou back to the bookshelf, putting them in alphabetical order this time. Toshiya was nowhere to be found but it was a pretty good guess where he was. That left Die and Kyo playing Majong, talking about the band. A nurse came in a bit later and asked for Kyo to join her. He was confused at first as to what she wanted but then he realized that it was time for his treatment and that got his eyes going wide, not wanting to go. He looked to Die for some sort of help. 

“Don’t fight it” he said, looking just as scared. Kyo cleared his throat and stood up, flashes of his doctor strapping him down to a table, injecting him with things, shocking him. He looked at everyone else and saw they were all looking at him as well. When he stepped out of the room he followed the nurse, the fear rising in him with each step as he tried to prepare himself for what was to come and hoped that it didn’t trap him in the dream. 

He walked into the room and he felt his fear skyrocket at seeing the Electroshock machine. He wanted to turn and run and he almost did but found that there were two orderlies standing by the doors that he knew he couldn’t get past. He turned back around and swallowed. 

“I really was hoping that we wouldn’t have to go back to this, but with your little episode yesterday we can’t risk you relapsing any more” said the doctor as the nurse took his arm gently and pulled him toward the chair. He started to shake and his breathing picked up, the feeling of another panic attack coming on. He needed to get out of there, he needed to never come back, but he didn’t know how. Before he knew it, he was at the chair and he was being strapped into it and a bit placed into his mouth. His breathing picked up more, his hands tightening on the arms of the chair. The doctor came up with the nodes, looking at the nurse and nodding. “Just remember to breath Kyo” he said as a whirring sound entered the room and the next thing he knew was a sharp pain before he woke up with a scream in the hospital room. 

When his vision cleared he saw that there were doctors around him trying to calm him down with Die standing off to the side looking a bit worried. 

“What happened?” he asked, looking between everyone. 

“Your heart rate shot through the roof and you started to convulse, it took us a bit to wake you” said one of the doctors as he started to check him over. 

“What did you dream?” asked Die, coming forward again once most of the doctors moved away. 

“They were giving me electroshock therapy...” he said as the doctor finished the exam, though he looked confused but didn’t say anything as he stepped back. 

“It seems that your fine now, though the dream is concerning...Do you dream of that often?” asked the doctor and Kyo shook his head. “Alright, well, let’s hope that this doesn’t happen again, but other than that it seems that things are going alright. We’ll be doing the scans tomorrow morning to see if it’s alright to let you go” he said before heading out. Die came back then and sat down beside him. 

“Are you alright though? Seriously?” asked Die, still looking worried. 

“I think I’ll be fine, it was just intense...They hadn’t done something like that in a while apparently...Apparently I’ve relapsed” he said, still a bit jittery. Die leaned over then and hugged him. 

“There has to be something, right? To make it stop?” asked Die and Kyo shrugged. 

“I don’t know” he said, really not sure what needed to happen next. 

Kyo had forced himself to stay awake the rest of the night with the help from Die, he really didn’t want to go back and wake up in the middle of the ‘therapy’ though something told him that he would wake up after, but he didn’t know how bad he’d be or if he’d even be able to wake himself up in the real world, if where he was now was the real world, he really was starting to not be able to tell. At about four in the morning Kyo passed out, Die having accidentally fallen asleep as well and when he woke back up he was in his room at the asylum. He felt numb and he couldn’t focus on anything. He tried to get his brain to engage but all he could hear and see was static. He tried to move but he found that it hurt to do so, so he stayed still and continues to try and kick his brain into gear. A couple minutes later the static cleared and everything started to come back to him. He passed out during his treatment. His brain was trying to get him to remember something, another place but it wasn’t happening, it was like a blank canvas but he knew it was important to try and remember. He heard movement at his door then and he looked over to it and saw the rest of the band standing there, all turned in on each other talking amongst themselves. It was Toshiya that realized Kyo was awake first and he gasped and went running over to him before sliding onto the bed and pulling him into a hug. 

“I thought they almost killed you!” he said as the rest of them came forward. Shinya sat in one of the chairs and reached out and patted his shoulder lightly before pulling back. Karou gave him a slight smile before he started to rearrange his journals and anything else he could find, but there really wasn’t. Die came up and sat beside Kyo and Toshiya. 

“They over did it” said Karou “The lights flickered” he added before coming back and sitting in another chair seeing as there was nothing else for him to fix. 

“What?” he asked as he rubbed his eyes before running his hands through his hair, but he pulled back with a wince as he got to his temples. 

“Even the nurses were scared...They thought you weren’t going to wake up...” said Die. 

“It was only a couple hours ago right?” asked Kyo and the others looked at each other, worried. 

“You’ve been out for two days...” said Shinya. 

“Two days, three hours, and 40 minutes” corrected Karou and Kyo’s eyes went wide. 

“The doctor though got in trouble for it...Or at least he got a talking to by the director” said Die. Everyone looked at him confused then. “I didn’t do a lot of sleeping the past couple days, I hear everything” he said with a shrug. “He’s not very happy because of it though” he added. 

“That can’t end well” said Kyo with a frown and Shinya nodded his head in agreement. 

“I don’t think he’s allowed to do anything for a while though and if anything I’m sure he thinks that he had made sure your delusion of the band and the other world go away” said Toshiya. With that everything came back to Kyo, the other world, the real world, this was all a dream and he needed to get out of it, unless they were all right and this was the real world and the other world was the dream. He hated how conflicted he was and how confusing everything got, he had no idea what to think anymore. 

“It’s lunch” said Karou now before standing up and walking out. This brought Kyo out of his thoughts, looking at the others as Shinya got up and gave him a small smile and followed Karou. Toshiya leaned in and kissed just below Kyo’s temple before getting up and leaving as well. Die was messing with the sleeve of his shirt, looking a bit awkward and that confused Kyo more. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked and Die looked up and smiled. 

“Yea! Just...Worried is all” he said as he stood up and started to mess with his hair. Kyo pulled back the covers and slowly stood up, testing out his legs. He swayed a bit and Die reached out to his arm to steady him. “Should probably take it slow” he said, still not exactly looking at Kyo. 

“Are you sure everything is alright? Your unnaturally quiet and reserved” he said with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood. Die let out a sigh and turned fully to Kyo and grabbed the side of his head, mindful of his temples and leaned in and kissed him. It was quick and before Kyo could respond or do anything Die had turned and left. Kyo reached up and touched his lips. Of course, he’d kissed Die before, they were actually dating in the real world, but even then, it felt like it was different than the first time Die had kissed him. He shook his head then and headed toward the café. 

When he walked in the other patients turned and looked at him, surprised he was there. Normally he wouldn’t mind all the eyes on him, but he wasn’t performing at that time and it definitely wasn’t a good thing. He ignored them though and walked toward the rest of the band and sat down just as the food was brought out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of suicide. 
> 
> Also, I have two endings for this, both really awesome that I can’t decide which one I like better, so, I’m going to post both, this chapter will have one of the endings and the chapter after this will be the alternate ending. I have put stars before the ending so you know what’s what.

The next day Kyo woke up in the asylum room, annoyed that he didn’t go back to the real world, unless it wasn’t the real world at all and that that big shock was enough to ‘fix’ him. He didn’t like to think about that, but not going back to what he thought was the real world when fell asleep the night before was starting to reaffirm what the doctors were telling him. He had always been good with words and has always had a big imagination, was it really beyond him to assume what his friends would look like older? He was stuck in an asylum for delusions, there really wasn’t anything more to do than play games, eat, go to therapy, and imagine of a world outside, where things were normal and you weren’t monitored constantly. He decided to not go to the rec room before breakfast, he stayed in his room, writing in his journal and drawing along with looking back on his older ones, the ones that he hadn’t looked at yet. It seemed that the rest of the band realized that he didn’t want to be bothered either so they gave him space, though Die would pass by randomly to make sure he was alright. 

He was half way through one of the journal’s that was pretty recent and a couple of things had started to catch his eye. Random passage’s saying to not believe anything and to keep his head. It got him so interested that he actually started to go through the rest of them, seeing the same phrase and the same type of drawing. He was starting to lose hope that he was truly going insane but those passages brought him hope again and as much as he hated it, he knew what he had to do. He took a breath and closed the journal and started to put everything back where it was. He turned around and saw Die standing there, messing with his hair. 

“I take it you found what you were looking for?” he asked and Kyo nodded. “We’re not going to see you again are we?” he asked then and Kyo nodded again and the small smile that Die had completely fell. 

“This isn’t real” he said and Die just nodded, not liking what Kyo was thinking. Kyo was getting ready to walk up to him and walk with him to breakfast but Die stepped in and shut the door and leaned against it for a second. Kyo was going to say something but Die pushed himself off of the door and walked right up to Kyo and kissed him again. This time he didn’t pull back, he instead put his hand to the back of Kyo’s head and tilted it back a bit and deepened the kiss. Kyo reached out then and pulled him closer and kissing back. Die started to walk them back to Kyo’s bed then, when the backs of his knees hit the bed Die pushed him back before crawling over him, putting their noses together, Die’s hair covering their faces. 

“What about the nurses?” asked Kyo and Die smirked. 

“Toshiya’s handling it” he said before leaning down and kissing him again. Kyo met him halfway, his hands going to Die’s hair and pulling just a bit, causing him to moan out and Kyo to smirk. It would be the first time Die had been with Kyo in this reality but in the real world he had already figured out exactly what got Die going and he was going to use that to his advantage, knowing that this Die probably wasn’t going to get another chance with him, if he managed to pull off what he was thinking. 

“How long do we have?” he asked then as he took off Die’s shirt and then his own. 

“15 minutes give or take” he said as he helped Kyo take their shirts off. 

“Perfect” he said as his hands started to wander over Die’s chest. It was almost weird for him to see Die so confidant in his body, at that age anyway. In the real world it had taken Kyo months after they started dating to finally see Die with his shirt all the way off, it was that that made him realize that this world wasn’t real, he wouldn’t have imagined a friend going through the weight problems, or so he had hoped. Die moaned out and pressed himself closer to Kyo, his hands wandering as well as he kissed him before he started to kiss across his face and then down to his neck, wanting to leave a mark but he knew he couldn’t, though it really wouldn’t matter the punishment from doing so. He knew this was going to be the last time that he’d be with Kyo fully and it wouldn’t matter about anything else after that. 

Die threw caution to the wind and actually bit down on Kyo’s neck, sucking a mark into where his ‘damned’ tattoo would be if it was there. They both had so much that they wanted to say, but they found that they couldn’t, they decided to just let their actions speak for themselves. Die started to move down then, kissing and nipping what he could reach. Kyo really wanted to take over, to make Die feel good as well, but he knew Die more than likely needed to be in control at that moment so he kept his hands in Die’s hair and arched his body into Die’s as he went. 

Outside in the café had Toshiya being pulled off of Karou, who just a bit earlier was making out with him pretty heavy. Die needed a distraction and Toshiya agreed, knowing that Die needed it and who was he to interfere with someone wanting to have a good time. As the doctors pulled Toshiya back Kaoru started to freak out a bit and try and get his hair back to perfect, which caused another nurse to have to come over and help. Shinya had caught on to what was happening and he allowed himself to let loose just a bit and threw his trey across the room, the clatter causing everyone to stop and look. Shinya put his head in his hands and put his head down on the table and started to pull his hair a bit. This caused some of the other patients to start to act out, causing the perfect distraction for Kyo and Die. 

Once everything was finally settled down and the nurses had finally brought order back to everything and everyone it was then that they realized that they were missing two of their patients and they started to look for them, finding Kyo and Die in Kyo’s room, Die sitting on one side of the bed and Kyo with one of his journals out and drawing Die. They both looked over when the nurses walked in. 

“And where were you two?” asked one of the meaner nurses and Die rolled his eyes. 

“Here of course, we heard shit going on outside and we didn’t want to get involved” he said and Kyo nodded, still trying to keep his breathing under control from what him and Die had just done. It was amazing, both were pretty sure that was the most intense orgasm both of them had had, ever. The nurse rolled her eyes at the two and stormed out, leaving the others. 

“It was good you didn’t get involved, I suggest staying here while we finish up everything” one nurse said and the two just nodded before the nurses left. When they were sure the cost was clear Kyo dropped his journal and let his head drop back against the wall, allowing Die to see just how wrecked he still was. Die crawled over then with a smirk and kissed him. 

“It was good that there was so much commotion, I’m sure that moan would have tipped them off” said Die and Kyo let out a laugh. 

“I’m sure yours was louder than mine” he said, as he reached up and ran a hand through Die’s hair, leaning in and kissing him again. 

“There’s no talking you out of this is there? Though I don’t blame you, anywhere is better than here, even if it’s in your head” he said as he sat down beside Kyo and pulled him close, putting his arms around him. 

“This isn’t where I belong, even if this is real, it’s not what I know” he said and Die nodded, a single tear falling down his face. 

They sat like that for a while before they heard the nurses come back and they quickly parted just as the door opened. 

“Everyone’s to go back to their own rooms now” she said and Die sighed and nodded before standing up. When the nurse left he turned and leaned over Kyo and kissed him before pulling back with a smile and leaving. Kyo almost felt bad, he was denying Die what he finally was able to admit, this Die at least, but it wasn’t real, it was all in his head and when he woke up the next time, he’d be where he knew he should be. 

He opened up his journal again and turned to a blank page as he started to write out lyrics for The Final before ripping it out of the journal. He opened the door then and looked both ways making sure the cost was clear before he ran toward the room where most of the ‘treatments’ were done. He managed to get there without being seen. He found a way to bar the door, but it really wouldn’t last long. He turned and looked over the electroshock machine, flashes of being put in it over and over again going through his head, ramping up his panic, but he knew it had to be done, it was the only way. He took a breath and walked over to it, putting the paper on the chair and picked up the nodes and put it on his head. He took a breath and grabbed the paper, looking it over once more. He had heard banging on the door then. He knew it wouldn’t take them that long and he had to be quick. He switched on the machine and turned it on full, he took a breath again and threw the switch. A quick burst of pain shot through him before he fell to the ground just as all the power in the place went out and the backup generators kicking in a second later. The doctors managed to get inside then, but by the time they got to him it was too late. The doctors picked him up and rushed him to the emergency room, hoping to try and bring him back. 

They worked as best as they could, but they only managed to stabilize him, but there was no getting him to wake up. The doctors and nurses all looked sad as they got the news, the head nurse leaving to tell the rest of the band what had happened, though she had a feeling that they already knew what Kyo was planning. As she walked she pulled out the paper that Kyo was holding and read it over, a tear forming in her eyes. She folded it up and put it into her pocket as she went to tell the others. 

Kyo woke up with a scream and Die was there to grab him as he shot up in bed. 

“Your fine! Your fine! Your awake” said Die as he tried to calm him down. Kyo reached out and pulled Die closer, noticing the bright blond hair, thankful, for once, that it wasn’t red. A couple of nurses came in then, looking worried. “He just had a nightmare is all” he said and they nodded before walking out again. When Kyo’s breath finally settled he pulled back and kissed Die quickly before pulling back. “That bad huh?” he said with a smile, trying to bring light to the situation. 

“You have no idea” he said before he allowed himself to lay back down, rubbing his eyes. 

“Good news, I was talking to the doctor, they’re going to be doing a CAT scan here in a bit and if everything looks good your free to go” Die said and Kyo nodded. 

“I can’t wait” he said. 

“So, what was the nightmare? Were you back in the asylum?” 

“Yea, though I’m sure I won’t be having that dream anymore” he said, feeling relieved, hoping that was he said was true. 

“That’s good, you were starting to freak me out man” he said as he sat down, leaning back in the chair and propping his feet up on Kyo’s bed again. “You still want to check it out though, right?” 

“Yea, I need to see it, make it a kind of closure or something” he said and Die nodded. 

“I’ll talk to management and see if we can head over there, I’m sure it’s on the way to the next concert” he said. 

It was a couple more hours before the doctor came in and took Kyo to go get the scans done and another half hour before they had the results back. Thankfully they had come back all negative for anything and Kyo was allowed to go then, dressing in what Die had brought him earlier, signing some papers and getting a prescription for headaches if he got them. When he walked onto the bus he found that it was decorated with banners and other things and a cake sitting in the middle of one of the tables. He looked around, eyebrow raised. 

“It was Totchi’s idea” said Shinya and everyone laughed before looking to Toshiya who looked extremely proud of himself. 

“Thank you” said Kyo with a bow as he walked the rest of the way in and put his things down. Shinya went to start cutting the cake as the bus took off. 

“We’re going to be stopping at that asylum you asked about. I managed to sweet talk the owner to let us check it out, under the pretense of possibly shooting a music video and being curious about the history” said Karou and Kyo nodded, almost afraid to go in, but he knew he had to. 

They enjoyed the cake and Kyo enjoyed being out of the hospital, it was only when they pulled up to the asylum that Kyo’s attitude changed, everyone saw it but didn’t comment. They all stood up and filed out. Karou went first and greeted an older man that was standing at the gate. He talked to him a bit before the gate was unlocked and opened. They all followed the man to the front doors, he unlocked those and opened them as well. As Kyo stepped in he was hit with all the memories of being there, but it was different, his memories were different, it wasn’t the 90’s when he was seeing them, more like the 40’s. He walked in the rest of the way, recognizing everything that he had seen in his dream. Die kept a close eye on him while the rest of the band started to look around, Toshiya very interested in the front desk and the old computer that was there. 

“Did they not clear anything out?” asked Shinya to the owner and he shook his head. 

“My family wanted everything to stay how it was, files and all” he said. 

“Are we allowed to look at the files?” asked Kyo, turning from looking through a door that led to the café. 

“Sure, most of the patients here are dead anyway or have been for a while, follow me” he said as he led them down the main corridor, Kyo took everything in, seeing himself walking through the same corridors back in his dream. He would get flashed of other patients walking around or sitting in their rooms looking sad. When Kyo passed the electroshock room he shuddered but forced himself to look inside, seeing the machine though it had long ago fallen apart. He turned and continued to follow everyone else. 

“Are you alright?” asked Die and Kyo shrugged. 

“It’s weird being in here after seeing it in my dream...Everything’s the same” he said. To this Die’s jaw dropped. 

“Seriously?” he asked. 

“Yea, we’re going to take a right up here, then a left and then down at the end of the hallway is the records room” he said right before the owner told them they were going to turn right and then left. Die felt a shudder go down his spine and he was sure he went a bit more pale than normal. 

****** 

They reached the records room finally and were led inside. They took a look around and saw that everything was still intact, perfectly preserved, or as preserved as one could keep paper files. Everyone else went to look at random ones, but something was pulling Kyo toward the far back. When he got there he saw that he had stopped in front of a filing cabinet that had the years 1942-1945 all in alphabetical order. He started with his real name, for shits and giggles, opening that drawer and going through before he paled, seeing his name on one of the files. He swallowed and pulled it out and opened it, seeing himself staring back at him, though his hair was better kept. He wanted to read through everything but something was telling him to look for the others, which he did, finding all of his bandmates with files from that time period and their pictures. He gathered them up and walked back to the others. 

“Woah! You look like you just saw a ghost” said Toshiya. Kyo let out a small laugh and handed him his file, then handed everyone else theirs as well. They all looked at him confused before opening them, all gasping. 

“No fucking way!” said Die, reading through his file, flipping the pages to look at what all was in there. Everyone else had almost the same reaction. 

“Nymphomaniac?! I was admitted because I liked sex too much?!” shrieked Toshiya, though he looked really amused. 

“OCD...Apparently I attacked a waiter because something wasn’t prepared how I said” said Karou with a smirk. 

“Least you guys have a sorta legit reason, I was marked insane because I liked to dress in woman’s clothing” said Shinya, shaking his head. Die continued to read through his, frowning, Kyo doing the same. 

“PTSD and nightmares from the war” said Die, pulling his picture out and showing them, he was dressed in a military uniform. 

“I went truly insane after witnessing the Hiroshima bombing while singing at a cabaret” finished Kyo with a shudder. 

The owner listened to all of them, just as shocked as the rest of them to hear what was being said. 

“That’s too uncanny” he said, scratching his head. 

“What are the numbers on the front?” asked Karou, turning his file around and showing the owner. 

“Lot numbers...One is where they were buried and the other is where their stuff was stored after...I don’t think anything would still be intact though...They usually gave everything to the families after death or donated if there wasn’t family, but we can check” he said and the rest nodded. 

“Can we keep these?” asked Shinya and he nodded before leading the way. 

They went down a couple more corridors before stopping at a pair of double doors. He unlocked them then and stepped aside, letting them go in before they started looking for the numbers that were assigned to them. Surprisingly they found them, all of their past life's things there. Shinya pulled out his and started to go through it, pulling out random things. Most of them were pictures and little trinkets but the thing that got Shinya’s attention was apparently the dress he was wearing when he was brought in. It was tattered and moth eaten but mostly intact. He held it up and looked it over. It was a dark green cocktail dress. He stood up and placed it in front of him and looked down at it. 

“Least my past life had good taste” he said before folding it up and putting it back in the box. 

“I’m sure you could keep those as well...I mean, no ones going to claim them” said the owner and everyone nodded. Everyone else's boxes contained the same things, clothes that they were wearing when they were admitted, pictures and trinkets and, surprisingly Die’s past life’s uniform. 

“Holy shit” he said as he took it out and looked it over, it had lasted just a bit better than the rest of the clothes. Kyo waited to go through his until everyone was done with theirs, wanting to see what they all had. When they all looked at him he opened his box and looked inside, seeing a couple of journals. He picked those up first and flipped through them quickly, seeing random drawings and lyrics which he was definitely going to use in the next album, but other that that it was basically detailing out his day and comments about the others in the asylum. He put them aside and started to go through the rest, though there was nothing really interesting. When they were all done they gathered the boxes and their files and decided to head out, letting the owner know that they would get back to him about the video. 

When they all got back on the bus everyone went their own way and decided to read fully through their files and go through their boxes more thoroughly. Later that night Kyo sat at one of the tables in the main room on his computer trying to find more information about his other life, wondering if there were any family he could contact or where he might be buried, seeing as they had moved the bodies from the graveyard behind the asylum to either family plots or unmarked graves in random graveyards, but there was nothing he could find. He let out a sigh and shut his laptop and took off his glasses and set them down on top of that. Die came in then and set a cup of tea in front of him. 

“Afraid to go to sleep?” he asked as he sat across from him, holding his own cup. 

“Yea, I mean, I feel like I won’t go back, now that I have the answer to whatever this was, but at the same time, its still there, in the back of my head” he said and Die nodded. 

“I’ll lay with you tonight if you want?” he asked and Kyo smiled at him and nodded, grabbing his cup and taking a drink. 

“Thank you” he said. They finished their tea in silence and headed to bed after that. It took a bit to get themselves situated in the bunks to where they were comfortable but eventually, they managed. Die had kissed him and fallen asleep quickly, it took Kyo a bit longer but eventually he let himself fall asleep. 

When Ky woke up the next morning, he was afraid to open his eyes, but the slight hum of the engine from the bus and the back and forth sway reassured him. He opened his eyes to an empty bunk though. He sat up as best he could before looking out into the aisle, hearing the rest of his band in the front room. He got up and stretched before heading out to see the rest of the band sitting around doing their own thing. He stood in the doorway and just looked at everyone with a smile on his face, knowing he chose the right reality.


	5. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the alternate ending, still can't decide which one I like better! This is in between the stars on the last chapter. Enjoy.
> 
> .

They reached the records room finally and were led inside. They took a look around and saw that everything was still intact, perfectly preserved, or as preserved as one could keep paper files. Everyone else went to look at random ones, but something was pulling Kyo toward the far back. When he got there he saw that he had stopped in front of a filing cabinet that had the years 1942-1945 all in alphabetical order. He started with his real name, for shits and giggles, opening that drawer and going through before he paled, seeing his name on one of the files. He swallowed and pulled it out and opened it, seeing himself staring back at him, though his hair was better kept. He heard the other’s going through random cabinets and commenting on different things, but all of that faded as he read through his file. Apparently, in his past life he was the lead singer of a swing band. They were pretty popular according to the files. When he got to why he was admitted though he frowned. They were playing an underground club the day Hiroshima was hit with the bomb. Being underground they were spared the initial blast, but there was still damage to the building. Apparently, him, along with a select few workers were the only ones that survived. He was brought in because he couldn’t take seeing all of that happen. He started to have delusions of the asylum not being real and that his band was still alive and that they still performed regularly. He flipped to the second page and saw all of the ‘treatments’ that he had to go through and the main one was Electroshock therapy. He shuddered at the thought. He turned the page again and saw a couple more pictures attached to the back. He took them and closed the file and put it under his arm before looking at the pictures. The first one was a picture of the entrance to the club, or what was an entrance, he flipped to the next one and saw the inside of the club, there were beams down, tables and chairs broken, broken glass and other things from the collapse. He turned to the last picture and he gasped, almost dropping everything. The picture was of him and the band, his band. All of them were wearing three-piece suits, it seemed that the picture was taken while they were performing. Toshiya was standing behind a double bass, and Shinya was in the back behind a simple drum set, while Karou and Die were holding a trumpet and a saxophone and Kyo was up front with the microphone, eyes close, getting into the music. He turned the picture over and saw that the date was the day before the bombing. He turned it back around and looked it over again before heading back to his band. 

When he came back to the band they all looked up, all noticing the look on Kyo’s face. 

“What’s up?” asked Shinya and all he did was hand him over the file, to which everyone gathered around Shinya and read through it, their jaws dropping as they read. 

“Fuck dude” said Die, looking at Kyo, then noticing the pictures. “What are those?” he asked and Kyo handed them over as well. There really weren’t crazy reactions to the first two, but once they got to the one with the band they all gasped. 

“Seriously?!” said Toshiya taking the picture and looking at it closer. 

“That’s too weird!” said Die and Kyo nodded in agreement. 

“What are the numbers on the front?” asked Karou, turning the file around and showing the owner. 

“Lot numbers...One is where they were buried and the other is where their stuff was stored after...I don’t think anything would still be intact though...They usually gave everything to the families after death or donated if there wasn’t family, but we can check” he said and the rest nodded before following the owner. 

They went down a couple more corridors before stopping at a pair of double doors. He unlocked them then and stepped aside, letting them go in before they started looking for the numbers that were on Kyo’s file, surprisingly they found it, all intact still. Kyo reached out and took his box, it a bit heavy but he managed to get it to a table before opening it, the rest of the band filing around to look at it. There were a couple of journals at the bottom, he picked those up first and flipped through them quickly, seeing random drawings and lyrics which he was definitely going to use in the next album, but other than that it was basically detailing out his day and comments about the others in the asylum. He put them aside and started to go through the rest, finding more pictures of the band, more candid ones then the ones he had found in his file, but other than that it was nothing too interesting. 

“Can I keep all of this?” Kyo asked the owner and he shrugged. 

“I wouldn’t see why not, if they’re still here that means there was no family to claim them, lord knows why they kept them though” he said and Kyo nodded, picking up the journals and the photos and put them inside. Karou handed him his file and the other pictures and he put those in the journal as well. When they were all done they decided to head out, letting the owner know that they would get back to him about the video. 

When they all got back on the bus everyone went their own way. Later that night Kyo sat at one of the tables in the main room on his computer trying to find more information about his other life, wondering if there were any family he could contact or where he might be buried, seeing as they had moved the bodies from the graveyard behind the asylum to either family plots or unmarked graves in random graveyards. He hadn’t found the graves but he did manage to find the name of the band and found a couple older video’s of them playing. As he watched himself perform along with the rest of the band he felt a strong feeling of sadness. He had checked the date on that and it was also the day before the bombing, which made it more surreal. He had managed to also find the newspaper clippings from that day, it was a small section about the band, but it was still there. A cup was set in front of him and he looked up to see Die sitting across from him, a cup of his own in front of him. 

“Any luck?” he asked as he took a drink and Kyo nodded. 

“I found a video of their last performance...It’s crazy, the songs that they played sound like swing versions of our songs...” he said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He took the glass then and took a drink. 

“Let’s hear it then” he said and Kyo started the video over and turned the screen so Die could see it as well. The first song that played sounded a lot like The Final, but jazzed up. Die watched in awe, surprised at how well the person managed to clean up the video. The next song was Taiyou No Ao. This one it seemed Karou put his sax off to the side and went to a piano and started playing, the emotion in Kyo’s voice just as strong as when he sang it now. They watched the rest of the video in silence, drinking their tea as they did. When the video ended Kyo shot the laptop and sighed. 

“It’s crazy, almost 70 years later we managed to find each other again and start a band” said Kyo and Die nodded in agreement. 

“Guess past life's and the like do exist” he said as he finished his tea, Kyo nodded in agreement with that. “It’s crazy to think that you dreamt the asylum, and us, but you knew nothing of it, but you did...” he said, trying to make himself make sense, Kyo laughed and shook his head. “We should get some sleep” he added and Kyo took a breath and nodded, though he wasn’t sure about it. 

“Afraid to go to sleep?” he asked. 

“Yea, I mean, I feel like I won’t go back, now that I have the answer to whatever this was, but at the same time, its still there, in the back of my head” he said and Die nodded. 

“I’ll lay with you tonight if you want?” he asked and Kyo smiled at him and nodded, grabbing his cup and taking a drink. 

“Thank you” he said. They finished their tea in silence and headed to bed after that. It took a bit to get themselves situated in the bunks to where they were comfortable but eventually, they managed. Die had kissed him and fallen asleep quickly, it took Kyo a bit longer but eventually he let himself fall asleep. 

When Ky woke up the next morning, he was afraid to open his eyes, but the slight hum of the engine from the bus and the back and forth sway reassured him. He opened his eyes to an empty bunk though. He sat up as best he could before looking out into the aisle, hearing the rest of his band in the front room. He got up and stretched before heading out to see the rest of the band sitting around doing their own thing. He stood in the doorway and just looked at everyone with a smile on his face, knowing he chose the right reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote! I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think! Also, I have another story in the works, hopefully I'll be able to get that up soon.


End file.
